Sunday, October 23, 2011

I'm in Over My Head....

                                                                                      I'm right where I wanna be

In preparing for my GO! assignment, again and again I’ve been reminded that I AM in over my head.
I am leaving 40 days and I’m still almost $4000 short of budget, I don’t  have my apartment packed up, I have no idea how I’m going to fit all my supplies into 2  suitcases under 50lbs… and the list goes on.  And let’s be honest, at times the idea of moving to the bush (even if only for 6 months) seems a little crazy, even to myself. But I am convicted that I serve a God who is crazy in love with all his people (no exceptions!), and I’m passionately devoted to the calling He has given me to reach out and show them.
In his hit single “Over my head” Brian Littrell proclaims “I’m in over my head, I’m right where I wanna be… my soul has found a place to rest, I’m in over my head”

Though being in over my head is uncomfortable, humbling, and downright scary at times, it IS right where I want to be. I’m not sure if this is exactly where Littrell was going with his lyrics, but this is how God used his song to speak to me this week. Yes, I’m short on financial support, I’m tired, I’m not packed, I don’t know the language, I miss my team… in most ways that I can imagine I am totally and completely in over my head. However, that is not only where I want to be, but exactly where I need to be. It is at these times when I quit trying do (any or all of) it on my own. It also seems counterintuitive for the lyrics to suggest that you can be over your head and rest at the same time, and yet this is exactly where God is calling me. It is in my moments of brokeness that I cry out "Lord, I don't think I can do this..." and he says "shhh, my child, of course you can't, but I can." In this process, the worry of deadlines, weight of insecurities, and crimpling effects of fears are lifted from me, and I find rest. From what I've been told, Guinea-Bissau is no place for the weary, and I'm thankful for the work God is doing now in preparing me!

Father, this is beyond me but not you, Lord. Lord you have called many who weren’t equip. You called a small boy with a sling to defeat a giant. You chose the husband of an old barren women to be the father of nations. Lord I know you have called me here and I believe you will provide in a way only you can. Teach me to rest in this assurance. Teach me to give thanks in all things, situations and frustrations. Most of all, Lord, I thank you that you are a loving father who does not grow impatient as you remind me of these lessons again and again.
 “You see me for who I am, you did reach out Your hand, You made me understand, that Your love has always covered me”    –Brian Littrell

1 comment:

  1. i am so proud of you and your beautiful heart! i am also honored to have been your first human seatbelt. i hope that somehow my heart for missions helped guide yours in some small way in this journey. i will be praying endlessly for you and look forward to hearing all of the amazing ways god will use your hands and feet... and, of course, your love of h im and his people.

    blessings!! k